The Highest Form of Literature
by O A Colpetty
October 2023
“Puns,” said Alfred Hitchcock, “are the highest form of literature.” Testing the theory to its limit, The Emigre presents twenty-two truly dismal puns, from O A Colpetty.
Developed an app for churches but can’t get the payment gateway to work.
Standard tithing problems.
For peace of mind and overall health, I practice the art of restoring flat surfaces to make storage space.
It’s a form of shelf care.
Want to learn how to open a nursery in just two weeks??
Join my crèche course!
Q. How do you make halal honey?
A. With hijabees.
Haters say the Canadian PM isn’t physically attractive. But it’s Trudeau.
The problem with telling people you want to be the greatest jockey ever is all the neigh-sayers.
If you’re trying to entice a small, exclusive group by tweeting inflammatory material, that’s cliquebait.
My pet bird is unique and irreplaceable. It’s a non-fungible toucan.
Gonna open a library in a tyre shop. That way, every subject is right in my wheelhouse.
Q. Why are the Taiwanese so competitive?
A. Because they’re Taipei.
A great gripe results in a fantastic whine.
Are you really anti-Scientology, or just Xenuphobic?
Just notched up one year with my half-woman, half-eagle partner.
Harpy Anniversary, baby!
Opening an aviation school in Sri Lanka. Gonna start small: it’s a pilot project.
Went on a beach holiday and stayed in three places. All excellent – though I had to start a fight in the third one, as violence should always be your last resort.
If anyone’s wondering when they’re in their prime, it’s these years:
2, 3, 5, 7, 11, 13, 17, 19, 23, 29, 31, 37, 41, 43, 47, 53, 59, 61, 67, 71…
Going to the bathroom is a time of waste.
When two hypochondriacs date that’s a talk-sick relationship.
Literally every club in Poland has pole dancers.
I believe everyone should have equal access to poultry products.
I’m nothing if not eggalitarian.
Q. Why is it when a gender conforming 15-year-old male takes a loss, it’s considered a work of art?
A. Coz it’s a Cis-teen Chap L.
I once started a competitive origami league.
It’s since folded.
