Three More Poems About ASDA
By Jack Shamash
October 2022
Bag for Life
Last night my wife and I went to ASDA,
And – among other things – spent eight pence on a Bag for Life.
The bag is guaranteed to last us a lifetime.
Every day we will look fondly at the bag,
And recall that evening,
All those years ago,
When we held hands and strolled through ASDA,
Stocking up on milk, eggs and lightbulbs.
The side of the bag has the legend:
‘If this bag breaks or gets damaged,
We will happily replace it free of charge.’
These little gestures give us peace of mind.
If I am involved in a horrific car crash or a dreadful fire,
My wife will be able to take the tattered shreds of the bag
And return them to ASDA.
And the staff will give her a new bag,
And they will do this with smiles on their faces.
I sleep easy, knowing that whatever misfortunes may occur,
My wife and children will never be without a carrier bag.
Fair Trade tea
At ASDA there are packets of Fair Trade tea.
(Note: they do not sell Unfair Trade tea,
Where the tea company pays with cheques that don’t clear,
or with counterfeit notes.)
ASDA Fair Trade tea
increases the sum of human happiness.
Oh, envy the joyful grower!
Bringing the fruits of his labour back to his smiling family!
Christ – crucified, resurrected and exalted… at ASDA
The sun is shining, so why is ASDA closed?
And why is the car park empty?
It is the wish of the Lord!
For today is Easter Sunday.
On Good Friday Jesus was crucified,
But on Sunday he was resurrected.
And the store is closed.
And on Monday he is exalted,
And the store re-opened.
Just in time for the sale of gardening sundries
On the seasonal and fancy goods aisle in Southgate ASDA.
